May Handed P45 At The Tory Party Conference

0
913
The message of the hour for the Tory government – delivered during the march on parliament on July 1st
The message of the hour for the Tory government – delivered during the march on parliament on July 1st

PRIME Minister May’s pledge to ‘renew the British dream’ turned into a nightmare yesterday, as she delivered the closing speech to the Tory Party Conference in Manchester.

She opened her hour-long speech with an apology, saying: ‘I called that election … but we did not get the victory we wanted because our national campaign fell short: it was too scripted, too presidential … I hold my hands up for that. I take responsibility; I led the campaign and I am sorry.’

Tragedy turned into farce when her speech was interrupted by a comedian who approached the stage unimpeded and was allowed to hand the Prime Minister a P45, saying it was a gift from Foreign Secretary Johnson, before being quickly ushered away.

After this disastrous start May was convulsed in a fit of coughing which then broke out repeatedly throughout the remainder of her speech and was music to the ears of that section of the Tory Party that can’t wait to get rid of her.

May tried to stand up for capitalism, saying: ‘Don’t try to tell me that free markets are no longer fit for purpose.’ She claimed they are ‘the greatest agent of human progress ever created’, and adding threateningly ‘let’s defend free and open markets with all our might’.

Announcing further massive expansion in Tory education privatisation, May said: ‘We will extend the free schools programme for a new generation of young people, building 100 new free schools in every year of this parliament.’

Announcing that there will also be further huge increases on arms and intelligence spending under the Tories, May said: ‘We will meet our commitments to international security with the finest armed forces and intelligence services anywhere on the planet … meeting our commitments on security, committing fully to the NATO alliance and spending 2% of our GDP on defence, remaining firmly committed to renewing our independent nuclear deterrent.’

May then claimed she would ‘fix our broken housing market’ by ‘reigniting home ownership in Britain,’ adding that she would encourage ‘a new generation of council housing’, adding ‘it won’t be quick or easy.’

Turning on her erstwhile supporters, the energy privateers, she claimed she would fix the ‘broken energy market’, which, she said, ‘punishes loyalty with higher prices,’ announcing: ‘Next week this government will publish an energy bill to put a price cap on energy bills.’